Do you find yourself making these 6 trust-breaking errors during your one on ones?

Engaging in one-on-one meetings serves as a valuable tool for nurturing stronger, more trusting relationships with each member of your team. These interactions provide a platform for genuine connection, making your team feel valued, heard, and understood.

By investing time and effort in these sessions, you lay a solid foundation for future growth and success, akin to managing a strategic investment like a term deposit. The more you engage in conversation with a genuine focus on your team member’s success and well-being, the more credits build. Strengthening your work relationships. The reverse is also true if you aren’t having regular conversations. Your work relationship will dip into debit.

Let’s take a look at the types of one-on-ones that frustrate your employees.

The Unstructured One-On-One

Allowing a free flow in one-on-one meetings can create a sense of empowerment for employees, giving them the opportunity to lead the conversation. While this approach may initially seem beneficial, the lack of a clear goal or structure can hinder productivity in the long run.

While it may work for a short period, over time, employees, especially younger ones, may struggle to find topics to discuss. The conversation can easily veer off course, making it challenging to address the initial purpose of the meeting.

In some cases, these unstructured sessions can turn into emotional venting sessions without any real resolution, leaving both parties feeling unsatisfied. While providing a space for employees to express their frustrations can be beneficial, it’s essential to avoid turning one-on-ones into mere complaint sessions.

Do We Even Need a One-On-One This Week?

As time goes on in your unstructured one-on-ones, you may reach a point where both you and your team member find yourselves at a loss for conversation.

In such cases, it’s natural to inquire whether they feel the need for a one-on-one session that week. Typically, you will be met with a response of “No, I’m good.” This can feel awkward and unproductive.

While it may initially seem beneficial for employees to have the opportunity to talk endlessly about themselves, this can become tiresome for those who seek meaningful dialogue and tangible results. Managers may even find themselves avoiding one-on-ones altogether due to introverted team members who may not initiate conversation.

However, it’s crucial to recognise that cancelling or rescheduling these sessions can inadvertently convey a message that your team member’s time is not valued. This can lead employees to feel of undervalued and a sense that their time is less important than that of the manager’s.

The “It’s now my agenda” One-on-One

It’s a common pitfall for leaders to shift the focus to their own agenda when a one-on-one conversation hits a lull. This can turn the meeting into just another work session, leaving employees feeling overlooked and their valuable time sidelined.

Instead of addressing individual performance and goals, the discussion veers towards solving company issues or daily tasks.

For high achievers, hearing generic praise like “You’re doing great, keep it up” can feel hollow and unsatisfying. They crave specific feedback that can guide them towards continued success and future growth.

The “Enhancing Performance in One-on-Ones”

In a one-on-one meeting, the focus should not solely be on performance improvement. Some managers mistakenly believe that highlighting negatives is the way to go.

However, bombarding your team member with negative feedback can be demoralising. It’s crucial to incorporate praise and positive feedback during these sessions, giving your report a sense of progress and hope in their development.

Using the one-on-one solely as a platform to address performance issues indicates a lack of understanding in leveraging these meetings to build trust. To truly enhance performance, it’s essential to establish a foundation of positive interactions first, creating a comfortable environment for open dialogue.

The one-on-one sets the stage for rapport-building, allowing for a separate, constructive performance discussion to follow. This approach, rooted in genuine support rather than criticism, resonates better with team members and fosters a culture of growth.

The best approach in one-on-one meetings is to focus on identifying and nurturing your report’s potential. While performance may come up in conversation, the primary goal is to guide them towards their professional development. Remember, it’s about guiding, not chastising, to ensure a positive and productive dialogue that benefits both parties.

“Allow Me to Share My Experiences” One-On-One

Many leaders mistakenly believe that guiding their employees means sharing their life story. While it comes from a place of good intentions, not all stories are told effectively and can end up becoming lengthy and self-centred monologues.

According to Steven Rogelberg, the author of “Glad we Met,” a good rule of thumb is that 50-90% of a one-on-one should be dedicated to the employee talking. The leader’s role in these meetings is to ask questions, actively listen, and provide guidance, rather than dominating the conversation with their own voice.

Truly listening to your employees shows that you are present and focused, allowing important information to surface. Embracing moments of silence creates space for real transformation to occur in the dialogue.

The “Work-Only Zone” One-on-One

Some managers believe that one-on-one meetings should only revolve around work-related topics. They firmly separate work matters from personal issues, creating a boundary between the two that should never be crossed.

However, true relationships cannot be built on a surface level. Seeing employees solely for their productivity overlooks their humanity. When individuals feel comfortable expressing their emotions, they feel secure in their environment.

Employees crave acknowledgment that their managers care for them beyond their job performance. Demonstrating this care begins with emotional check-ins – enquiring about their well-being in both personal and professional aspects.

This information is invaluable as it deepens your understanding of your team, enabling you to offer the right support and encouragement during challenging times.

Acknowledging employees as whole individuals, not just as workers, creates a sense of ease and trust in the relationship.

Tips for Enhancing Your One-On-One Meetings

It’s unfortunate to see many organisations missing out on the immense benefits of one-on-one sessions – from boosting employee engagement to enhancing productivity and developing employee skills. The good news is that these common mistakes can be easily corrected. By implementing a structured approach with thought-provoking questions tailored to each individual, you can transform your one-on-ones into meaningful and impactful interactions.

A structured one-on-one framework serves as a valuable tool in facilitating productive and purposeful discussions. Providing your team member with a set list of questions to choose from eliminates any uncertainty and ensures that both parties are on the same page.

This structured approach not only enhances your understanding of each team member but also helps in motivating them effectively while levelling the playing field. It enables you to offer timely feedback, paving the way for seamless and candid performance conversations.

By encouraging your team member to reflect on their learning needs and aspirations, a well-structured one-on-one meeting can spark creativity and vision.

Utilising your time effectively in guiding your reports at a deeper level ensures that these interactions are not only enjoyable but also incredibly valuable for both parties involved.

Marie-Claire Ross | Building Trust Expert

Marie-Claire Ross is an engaging, insightful and globally recognised facilitator and leadership coach. She works with leaders and teams to build trusting, thriving team cultures that increase engagement, team accountability and retain great talent.

She is renowned for her empathetic approach and her ability to make the complex simple. Marie-Claire is the creator of various models that help leaders and their teams better understand trust, psychological safety and accountability. This includes the Integrated Trust Building System and The Achievement Zone Model that feature in her book Trusted to Thrive: How leaders create connected and accountable teams.  To read more about Marie-Claire Ross on Essemy, click this link here.

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