Coaching Styles and Effectiveness
Often we present information and strategies as if we are all in a vacuum and that there is no existing mindset and all are starting at the same level of experience. While it is important to address the real issue and the underlying beliefs that maybe preventing the organisation and coachee from developing a more constructive culture or more becoming more effective we also need to apply the same processes and constructs to our own approach to coaching and leadership.
Understanding Your Personal Coaching Style
We all have our own styles, a personal culture if you like which like the organisational culture , can be enabling or counterproductive.If you are essentially a passive coach (and individual) what worries you is getting people off side and dealing with them potentially not liking you so you avoid conflict or challenging others views, making decisions in case you get it ‘wrong’ and avoid getting into the real issue in case it raises issues you cannot cope with. You will dance around the issue with an overly consensus type approach that frustrates everybody including yourself.
The Passive Coaching Style
Characteristics of a Passive Coach
You genuinely worry about giving honest and direct feedback in case people are upset by it and potentially you feel will impact on their ‘liking you’. In fact, if you do raise and issue and if they do challenge you will quickly begin back peddling and give up your own opinion to keep them onside. Given it is almost impossible to deal with issues directly you are perceived as a vacillating, noncommittal leader who is hard to pin down on any issue and your opinions are designed to please everyone. You are highly avoidant and side step issues with ‘Let’s form a sub committee” or “Let’s get more data in before we commit.” You are the poster person for the old expression, “He’d give up the farm to please others.”
The Hidden Costs of Passivity in Coaching
Frequently apologising for some vague reason, reluctant to ask people to not talk over you and equally reluctant to verbalise an opinion without having a back out strategy ready to roll out.
The cost of this inability to deal with behaviours or practices in any direct way is that you unwittingly have allowed potentially unsafe practices to continue or behaviours at odds with the agreed parameters to roll along essentially because you have laid awake worrying what people will think of you more than you worry about doing the right thing.
The above is describing a strongly passive coach which if that vaguely sounds familiar to you from personal experience then you will appreciate it will be borderline impossible to address the beliefs under pinning a behaviour.
Aggressive Coaching Style
Characteristics of an Aggressive Coach
For the aggressive coach your main concern is yourself and most of the world seems to revolve around you. No matter where the conversation starts you have a wonderful gift for somehow bringing it back to yourself. You worry about not knowing everything so you have an, usually uninformed, opinion on everything and because you are so task focussed you get unsettled when emotions surface. You must be in control so you will feel the need to dominate the coaching conversation.
The Hidden Costs of Aggressiveness in Coaching
This strong need to be in control leads you to make disparaging remarks about self management or engagement. You will present a command and control approach in meetings and rationalise that one day you will use a consensus approach but now is not the time nor is anytime in the next two years, the time. You have the capacity to turn everything into a contest because of the drive to be seen as a ‘winner’, so, for example, if your coachee expresses their pride in an accomplishment you will be able to inject on of your own (and better) feats into the conversation. You are good at being critical of others but you will take any feedback on your coaching/leadership effectiveness personally and a sign of disloyalty.
At times you can be abrupt, frustrated because people are not you and really just want things your way and in control. It is this reason why you make disparaging remarks about engagement and empowerment because that is a recipe for the lunatics to begin running the asylum.
Why Self-Awareness Must Come First
This style is maybe effective in times of crisis however the vast majority of days are crisis free. However there is a cost to this style with a stifling of accountability, innovation and participation. Team members get conditioned to wait for you to provide the ‘answers’.
Real Change Starts With You
By raising the challenges of these styles because unless you can get to the heart of your own core beliefs – the need or tendency to be liked or the need to dominate and control, how can you effectively and consistently help others to make the leap? It starts with you and I.
FAQs
How does my personal leadership style affect my coaching effectiveness?
Your leadership style — whether passive or aggressive — shapes how you handle conflict, feedback, and decision-making. If you avoid issues to stay liked or dominate conversations to stay in control, it can severely limit your ability to help others develop.
What are the signs of being a passive coach?
Passive coaches often avoid conflict, backpedal during discussions, struggle to give honest feedback, and worry excessively about being liked. They delay decisions, form subcommittees to avoid commitment, and often fail to address unsafe or unproductive behaviours.
Why do I avoid conflict as a leader?
Avoiding conflict often stems from a deep need to be liked and a fear of upsetting others. This mindset can lead to vague communication, avoidance of difficult conversations, and a lack of clear direction.
How can an aggressive coaching style harm team culture?
Aggressive coaches often dominate discussions, dismiss engagement or self-management, and react defensively to feedback. Over time, this stifles innovation, accountability, and trust, as team members wait for answers instead of thinking independently.
How can self-awareness improve my coaching and leadership?
By recognising whether you are driven by the need to be liked or to control outcomes, you can begin to change your approach. Self-awareness allows you to create a more constructive environment where coaching focuses on the coachee’s growth, not your own fears or needs.
About the Author: Steven Ball – Leadership Expert and Coach
Steven has been a leadership, team development and culture change coach and facilitator for thirty years working with over 200 organisations, thousands of leaders in seven countries and in every sector of industry and government.
With Life Time Accreditation in the LSI tool Steven has debriefed over 600 leaders in seven countries and in every sector from local government, to finance, to mining, to sporting groups.
Find out how Steven can support your leadership journey—click here to view his Essemy profile.
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